Day 1 (April 2):  The Tale of a Toddler Nap Refusal 

 

Today I drove home from church looking like a crazy person.  In order to keep my 19 month old from falling asleep in the car, I pulled out every trick I could think of!  From singing high pitched, to opening and closing his window 100 times, to yelling his name in weird voices and passing him snacks at every stop.  Drivers beside me stared in curiosity; I didn’t care- I was NOT losing out on Sunday afternoon nap time! I pulled up to our house, literally ran to his car door and swung it open furiously- only to find him…. SLEEPING! Honestly- in the time it took me to get out of the car he fell asleep, despite all my hard work.

 

The saddest part is- that was it.  Those 30 seconds in la la land was the only nap time he participated in today.  And on a day when his older brother was on a play date at Omas- seriously kid- I could have had TWO hours of hot coffee, chocolate and maybe even an episode of Gilmore Girls.  

 

There was however, a seriously adorable silver lining to it all: we got the opportunity to focus all our attention on this one little Max. And he soaked up every second of both his doting parent's undivided attention.  Max is always a joy to be around, but today, he was extra social, extra playful, and extra adorable!  

 

Yes I missed out on a few hours of non-parenting bliss and Max missed a few hours of rest, but getting to enjoy focussing him and him alone brought both Joel and I so much joy.  I won’t go as far as to say missed nap times are a blessing, but today was definitely worth it!

 

 

 

 

Day 2: (April 3) “The Pressure We Put On Ourselves” 

 

I realized it standing in the middle of the grocery aisle: the pressure we put on ourselves. I had spent 20 minutes reading the backs of yogurt containers, scouring the ingredients lists and pouring over grams of sugar per serving.  "This is crazy” I said to myself, but I was quickly bombarded with my go-to response: “But I am RESPONSIBLE for their health and well-being!”

 

I truly believe the majority of mothers want to the do the best for their children- to provide the best environment for a healthy, thriving childhood, the best experiences, the best family life, the best nutrition.  But here I was paralyzed in the middle of Aisle 1 because of the insurmountable pressure I was putting on myself to make sure that every bite of every food they put into their tiny tummies was of the highest quality.  I’m not advocating for poor nutrition but honestly in that moment I realized I have some serious soul searching to do on why I am thinking myself into circles over this, and many more parenting responsibilities.  

 

I ended up bolting from the grocery store without even finishing my list.  And no- I didn’t buy the yogurt.  But I did provide my children with healthy nutritious meals today like many other days…. and then proceeded to watch them each devour THREE large cookies off a plate meant for company.  And honestly, it didn’t both me!   Perhaps the pressure is already subsiding; confronting it in the middle of the dairy section over a container of yogurt seems to have helped! 

 

 

Day 3: (April 4) “A little longer” 

 

I’m balancing you on my hip, running downstairs to get your “baby” that you insist on taking to bed every night and I notice your legs bouncing against mine as we walk.  How did you get so big?  Yesterday you were my tiny newborn and now you’re communicating in more and more words every day! 

 

We sit together in the same rocking chair we’ve rocked in since you entered this world.  After our usual books and songs, I stand up to put you in your crib.  But then I remind myself-- Jaime- stop.  Slow down. Rock him a little longer.  I turn off the lamp and sit back down, curling you tight into me, resting my chin on your baby soft hair.  We rock and sing and I speak words of love and grace and peace over you.  

 

I need to remember that there is always time to sit and hold you- just a little longer. 

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Day 4: (April 5): "My Gift" 

 

I didn't see you much today. I was at work for most of the day. When I came to pick you up you were sad that I was taking you away from Oma. Don't worry- I didn't take it personally ;) But tonight I got to put you to bed and we had our special time- my favourite time! I was praying for you at bedtime and I thanked God for the gift of my family. "Mama, I'm a gift? That's funny!" .  I got to explain to you that God had a gift named Jace and gave him to papa and mama to look after. Buddy boy, I will always remind you what a gift you are to our family! 

 

Day 5: (April 6): "Love Covers" 

 

"Love covers a multitude of spills" 

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Day 6: (April 7): “An Exercise in Futility”

 

Cleaning up with kids around is both a lesson in patience and an exercise in futility.  Today I took the boys upstairs to get some laundry put away and tidy our room.  After an hour of attempts, multiple tears and a few time outs- our room was at least 3x messier than when I had started!  

 

I have two young rambunctious creatures in my house, and not just in my house, but in my presence, on my heels, most moments of the day.  Where I go- they go.  If I want to put away laundry- they want to be right beside me throwing it around.  

 

Normally, I would find this extremely frustrating.  "If you could just give Mama 5 minutes….” I used to hear myself begI   I wasted an entire hour today trying to accomplish a task that would have taken 15 minutes without children and yet- it no longer seemed to faze me.  I looked around the room and realized that I must have made some progress in accepting the “untidiness” (this is a fancier word for mess) that accompanies this stage of life.  

 

A fist bump to all the mamas out there who are learning to let go of the mess and embrace the crazy! 

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Day 7: (April 8) “My Little Jack-in-the-Box"

 

Jace came out of his room NINE times tonight- all while I was attempting to have a coffee with a friend who visiting from out of town. 

 

He wasn't making a fuss, he just simply popped out of bed like a little jack in the box and scurried downstairs after every attempt to put him in his room.

 

And to be honest- I didn't blame him! Almost every night in the last week- we have had people over. And he has come down each night to find a different set of people and a different bowl of delicious snacks (the type he's rarely allowed to eat). Why wouldn't he come down again- just out of curiosity! 

 

I remembered how I would sneak down the stairs as a child after bedtime and watch tv in the reflection of the window. Sometimes it's not outright disobedience as much as childhood curiosity. So he stayed on the corner of the couch until our company had left and then I shuttled him back to bed- him satisfied with the bowl of popcorn he consumed and me left wondering if i did the right thing by letting him stay up. Sometimes the rules of parenthood aren't as black and white as I think.

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Day 8: April 9: “They Need to be First” 

 

I was desperate to talk today.  A friend was visiting church and I really wanted to finish up a conversation.  But Max had already been at church for almost four hours, and he was tired, hungry, and probably ready for some quiet.  I bounced him on my hip, hoping to buy myself more time, but he continued to cry “Mama, mama, mama” over and over.  

 

My initial reaction, I’m sad to admit was annoyance.  I thought in my head “buddy, just give mama 5 more minutes!” 

 

But then I was reminded:  They need to be FIRST.  It was easy for me to remember this when they were each newborns.  I would promptly leave a meeting or conversation to feed them or attend to their needs.  But as they have gotten older, more independent, more flexible and capable, there are times where I forget that they really are still so dependent on me.  

 

After a moment of adjusting my attitude, I swept Max up in my arms, politely excused myself, and took him home right away.  A few minutes into the drive home, he was already a different child! Most likely, he had been overwhelmed.  Four hours in a large, loud group setting would do that to a small toddler!  

 

Right then my disappointment for needing to leave early faded.  My boys NEED to be first, and if that that means missing out on opportunities so they can have what they need during this young season- so be it.  

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Day 9: April 10th: “Those Days..” 

 

This was one of “those” days- the type of day were you want to freeze time and take in every aspect of this season…. 

 

Their laugh, their smiles, their every mannerism and cute saying. The way Max’s eyes widen when you say something that excites him; the way Jace smiles, lays his head on your leg and says I love you.

 

At the park today, I tried to freeze this moment in time.  I stood still and watched.  Max was running after jack rabbits

as fast as his little legs could carry him yelling “Puppy!! Puppy!!”  Jace was practicing his “sliding” in the dirt, playing “chase” and learning how to ride his bike for the first time.  What a season we are in.  Two little ones experiencing so many “firsts”- and we as their parents get the privilege of a front row seat to all of it.    

 

This was one of those days- the type that makes the “work" of motherhood fade to the background. I love days like this.  

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Day 10: April 11 "The Tuesday Miss” 

 

Tuesdays are a very full work day for me.  I leave early- just after the boys have eaten breakfast, and come home right before dinner.  By the time Tuesday is over and we’re in the chaos of bedtime routine, I usually have a slight ache in my heart.  The ache is caused by a combination of missing them and missing quality connection time with them that day.  I feel disconnected from them.  Do they feel that way about me too on Tuesdays? 

 

I’m learning the Tuesday “miss” isn’t anyones fault.  It’s not wrong I’m at work that day.  It’s not wrong that I don’t have as much quality time that day as I do other days, because their Tuesdays are filled with adventure and fun and probably more treats than they get when Mama is home! I’m learning to take even the little moments we have together on Tuesday and enjoy them to their fullest.  

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Day 11: April 12 "The Perfect High Five" 

 

I was putting the boys to bed alone tonight and as we were leaving the room, the boys were blowing kisses to each other. As I headed to the door, Max asked Jace for "five!” (a high five). I had Max in my arms so I bent him down towards Jace. They kept trying and missing and giggling. 

 

On the final try- their little hands connected! The perfect high five! Jace and I started cheering, Max started laughing. The perfect end to a long day. These boys find joy in the smallest of things- it's such a gift. 

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**EDIT**

Now that it's been announced, I wanted to add in that today, April 12th, is the day we found out we were PREGNANT with our 3rd baby!! I picked up a pregnancy test on the way home from work and then grabbed the boys.  It takes a lot of effort to get them out of Omas and home.  As soon as we got home, I set them up with a Veggie Tales and ran to take the test.  Joel wasn't going to be home for a few hours but I just couldn't wait! I took the test and immediately saw a positive.  Even though this was my third pregnancy, it was just as exciting as the other two, but different.  This time was more sweet, peaceful, joyful- I laughed out loud and then had a few happy tears.  The other two times it was more surprise and hard to believe... this time felt like I had just received a precious gift.  I wanted to tell Joel but I wanted it to be a "fun" way.  I quickly remembered a sweet video I had seen about pregnancy and emailed it to Joel, then texted him to check his email.  He called right away, happy tears as well.  Heres a link to the video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otSo2YfOFLw

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Day 12: April 13th: "The Study of Motherhood"

 

I'm studying motherhood right now. Is that a thing? I've studied economics, physiology, bible courses. But now- I study motherhood. 

 

I'm reading and re-reading a specific chapter in a book about motherhood that has impacted me so much I think about it many times a day.  The mission of motherhood.  The servanthood involved in motherhood.  It’s really turned my world upside down.  

 

I’m sure motherhood is something I’ll be studying for the rest of my life.  

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Day 13: April 14th: "The Tie" 

 

Jace has been counting down to his Tante’s (auntie’s) birthday party today.  

 

This morning he woke me up to show me his party outfit.  He was already dressed and ready to go at 7:30am.

 

The outfit consisted of jeans, a shirt, a velcro tie and one adorable, excited little boy! 

 

After I praised his outfit and getting dressed skills, he proceeded out of the room, but turned back to catch himself in the mirror.  “Handsome!” he proclaimed loudly.

 

Oh buddy, you are such a character!

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Day 14: April 15th: "An HOUR In The Life..." 

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Some hours go by fast.  Some hours seem to last forever.  A glimpse into one of those hours ;)

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9:30am-10:45am

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-Feed M cheerios 

-Put soccer cleats on J

-Feed M second helping of cheerios

-Realize soccer J's cleats are making marks all over the kitchen floor! 

-Look for Mr. Clean eraser- nothing! 

-Referee 

-Take boys upstairs; Play together in J's room.

-Read books in his bed

-Think to myself- this is so nice (and side benefit- a nice way to pass time).  Look at clock and realize it's only been 10 minutes?! 

-Thought is interrupted by a big crash- M has pulled every book off the shelf and caused an avalanche.

-Dig M out of book mountain.

-Put all books away.

-Boys run off to play; take advantage of a few minutes to put on make up and change clothes. J yells up to me the whole time asking for cheerios.  

-Interrupted by screaming- run downstairs to find out they have collided.

-Scoop both of them up and console them.

-J asks for his cheerios now; Feed him.  Put it all away.

-Once it's all cleaned up- M asks for cheerios.

-Feed him again.

-Change his diaper.  Wipe notes.  

-Referee

-Referee more 

-Look at the clock- wonder how it has only possibly been ONE HOUR since Joel left for work?!

-Wonder if clock is maybe broken??

-Wondering how many hours till Joel is home.

-Wondering is interrupted by another request for a snack.  No- you jut had 2 breakfasts.  Negotiate down from fishes to an apple.

-Decide that I should write this down for today's 100 days of motherhood post.

-Start to write

-Stop to wipe nose

-Stop to console crying.

-Stop to explain why you cannot have another snack.

-Stop to have a group hug on the floor.

-Finish writing.

-Realize another 15 minutes have passed- congratulate myself for not checking the clock for 15 whole minutes! 

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Day 15: April 16th: "Easter Sweeties" 

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Day 16: April 17th: "A baby sloth" 

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Day 17: April 18th: "Let's Be Cozy" 

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Our kids love "cozy" time as a family, either piled onto a bed or on a mound of blankets in the living room. Every time Jace says "let's be cozy" I am reminded that even at their young age, they love the security of family. 

 

Tonight I watched our youngest- only one and a half, pull myself and his daddy by the necks until we were all cuddling cozy on our bed. And then he looked at us with a look so content, so assured, so at peace. And so we laid with him. And when Joel left to but big brother to bed, Max pulled me back down by the neck and there we lay, nose to nose, both giggling.  Let's be cozy forever buddy. 

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Day 18: April 19th:  "Embracing the Silly" 

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I'm learning to embrace the silly! Jace was in a funny silly mood tonight all through the afternoon, evening and bedtime. His little body's and little mind didn't stop! I'm learning to just "go with it" and enjoy all the childhood silliness. He reminds me to lighten up. I tend to take life too seriously, especially after my meeting days. I'm so thankful for little ones who remind us to stop and laugh.

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Day 19: April 20th:  "Winning at School Drop Off" 

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Totally killed it at preschool drop off today! Joel left for work early today and the boys I were the FIRST ones to arrive at school! Sometimes its the little things that give you a high in motherhood! 

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Day 20: April 21st: "Learning to Live Slow" 

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Saturdays are gloriously slow at our house.  Joel is at work for over half the day, the boys and I are usually at home.  On a good day- we are all in cozy clothes still late into the afternoon.  But even though Saturdays are MADE for going slow, I'm recognizing the constant pressure within myself to be productive.  I'll sit on the floor to play with the kids and a 100 nagging thoughts come to mind of chores or errands that need to be accomplished.

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This is something I've been dealing with most of my adult life, but it's become so much more noticeable now that we have kids, and that my JOB at times is SUPPOSED to be to lay on the floor and play cars or build lego.  I'm not supposed to be "productive" all the time!  

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It's going to be a journey- I have a long way to go to deal with this tendency in myself.  But today I decided to combat it by making play dough.  When the nagging thoughts became too much, I said this must change, and lifted Jace onto the counter to help me make a batch of play dough.  We played together long into the afternoon.  I'm learning to go slow, and these little guys are really helping me. 

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Day 21: April 22nd: "The Sweetest Max"

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He pats the pillow, lays his head down, gives me the sweetest, gentlest smile and says "sit sit" aka lay down beside me Mama. He's in onsie pajamas and smells like watermelon tooth paste. And his smile absolutely melts my heart. 

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Day 22: April 23rd: "Preacher Boy" 

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When Jace gets an idea in his mind, its hard to get him off it!  This morning as we got ready for church he told me he was going to preach today.  When it was time for Joel to leave for Church, Jace insisted on going with him because he needed to get ready too.  

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By the time church started it had already been 3 hours, and I had forgotten he had his mind set on preaching when I looked over and saw him crying during the service.  "But I need to preach Mama" he said between tears.  

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We found a time to sneak him up on stage and he had a lot to say (which was hard to understand!) but it was sandwiched between "God loves you" and "God loves me".  What a precious statement from the mouth of a babe.  

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Day 23: April 24th: "The Tension" 

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Today I had to go to Edmonton for the entire day without the kids.  Joel's first day having both kids alone at home for the whole day! (He's more than capable, I have just never needed him to have them for the whole day).  It was a wonderful day out for me, but I still had to fight the thoughts that I SHOULD be at home with the kids.  The tension between what we need to do and feel we should do is so real.   In reality, it should have been a non-issue:  I was away from the kids for a 7 hour day- the same amount of time I'd have been away on a work day 2x a week.  But for some reason it was a struggle because I was doing something "fun".  

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By the time I got home I found out the kids had a happy meal for lunch and went out for a donut for afternoon snack (What??!!), so honestly, they had one of the best days of their lives ;)

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Day 24: April 25th: "Still Mama" 

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In the middle of my work day today, I had a health concern arise that took me on a series of doctors appointments and phone calls, but still got me home just in time to make dinner.  What a reminder that even when things in life are turned upside down- you are still MAMA.  Regardless of what you have been through that day- when you walk through the door- there are still little people with legitimate needs (and not so legitimate requests!)

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Day 25: April 26th "The Hockey Guys Are Waiting" 

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We've always known our oldest to be a determined child.  But today we saw it in a whole new light! Jace woke up with the idea in his head that that the "hockey guys" were waiting for him- and he MUST get to the rink as soon as possible!  He had his skates, helmet, jersey and gear all ready to go and was literally trying to get out the door! 

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We worked with him for almost an hour, trying to explain that the ice has melted and the outdoor hockey rink is gone.  Well try explaining to a 3 year old that it's Spring- not winter- when we just had 3 inches of snow overnight lol! He wouldn't have it!  "Mama it IS winter- look outside!" 

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It turns out the only way we were able to sway our determined little man was to pack him into the car, drive over to where the outdoor rink USED to be- and convince him in person. The cutest thing is it didn't even phase him- instead of the hockey rink- he saw the basketball court in it's place- "Papa, let's go home and get our basketball".  Buddy- we love your passion! 

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Day 26-32: I was out of commission recovering from a horrible flu. Lets just say parenting while sick has got to be the worst! 

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Day 33: May 4th:  As Jace was getting in trouble with Joel today, he knew a spanking was about to happen.  Jace runs away yelling "be kind to my butt!" Where do they get these things?! Try disciplining after that.  We couldn't hold it together. 

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Day 34: May 5th:   Recently, I've been struggling a bit with the fact that we have two boys.  I know its silly, but the feelings are real.  Jace is in a phase where he really wants to do boy things with his Papa, and as much as I enjoy playing, I don't seem to make the cut when it comes to wrestling or silly jokes.  

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Tonight Jace asked me to put him to bed, which I really enjoy.  After we snuggled and read our story I was about to climb out of his bed when he cracks up laughing and says "Mama! You farted!"  Of course- I did not! It was the creaking of his bed.  But he wouldn't take no for an answer. He giggled away, his hands over his mouth, rolling around on the bed.  Even though I DIDN'T do the horrible thing he accused me of, it was adorable that he found it so funny, and I learned that even as a Mama, I can joke about "boy stuff". 

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Day 35: May 6th 

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On Saturdays, I can get sulky.  It's not right.  At the root of it- its just selfishness.  My husband often has to go into work on a Saturday for at least part of the day.  And I don't seem to have found a routine or activity for the boys and I to do on Saturdays.  In my mind- it should be a family day- a "shared parenting day".  But that's just a mindset I have been stuck in and need to make the change.  If I am intentional about it- I can make Saturday a special day for the boys and I ;) Sometimes just adding in a little treat like going out for an ice-cream makes the long days with young ones a little shorter.  

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Day 36: May 7th 

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Having small kids means a lack of personal space.  All the jokes I heard about just longing to go pee alone are totally true.  I was especially feeling it today at church with a boy hugging each leg every time I tried to take a step.  The snuggles I adore.  But there are days where I am a little over being pulled at and climbed on.  

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Day 37: May 8th: 

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Today we had an early ultrasound to check on a few things and we were able to see the heartbeat!! The sweetest little sight.  Our little one is the size of a blueberry- and here we were able to see his or her tiny heart flickering.  

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Tonight I was putting Jace to bed and telling him all about our awesome God who loves us so much.  A good good Father is how he put it :) 

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Day 38: May 9th: Two Of My Fave Things: 

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Two of my favourite things about the stage my boys are at right now: 

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Jace: His wild plans! Every day right now, he comes up with a plan for something he MUST do (i.e. the hockey game he must always be getting to!!)

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Max: All his new words and phrases.  We do daily declarations with the boys of who God made them to be.  Max says "I fee" for I'm free; "I song" for I'm strong; and "God me!" for God loves me.  It's so precious! 

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Day 39: May 10th: 

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Some aspects of parenting are so so hard. Today had a few rough patches.  It’s hard to navigate the terrain when it's your first time- everything about our first born has been obviously been NEW- lots of trial and error, lots of learning from hindsight, lots of on the job training. Sometimes I just wish I knew how to do everything about parenting instantly- wouldn't it be nice to know what to do in every season and just be able to coast and enjoy? Sigh. This is no where near our reality. Thank God for grace and guidance from the Holy Spirit though- were not in this alone! 

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Day 40: May 11th: "Wide Open Spaces" ​

 

Tonight we went to a soccer field and RAN. We were able to let Jace run free and it felt so good- not just for him but for us as well. I loved watching him kick a ball back and forth, no interruptions, no instructions or correction- just free. 

 

Wide open spaces really do something for the soul. Getting out of our usual environment and into an area without restrictions seemed to unclutter my mind, allowed me to take a deep breath, and refreshed me for whatever I needed to face next. 

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Day 41: May 12th: Thankful or Annoyed? 

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I need to make a change in my parenting. Well I probably need to make many changes, but one I know for sure is to focus on all the GOOD things, the adorable things, the funny, sweet and fun things my 3 year old does- instead of complaining about the things he does wrong. There are SO many moments of training, correction, explanation throughout the day that it's very easy to get caught up in how many times I needed to correct the same obedience issue, verses all the kind and wonderful things he did. 

 

Thanksgiving is a powerful principle in life and today I'm choosing to make gratitude the central part of my parenting. 

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Day 42: May 13th: "Fake Mother's Day" 

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This was my best (fake) Mother's Day yet and I think the main reason was- it wasn't actually mother's day- so there were no feelings of pressure on Joel's end or expectations of any kind on my end! We woke up this morning (Saturday) and felt like going out for breakfast (which we never do with kids).  But we decided- why not!  

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We had a great time with the kids. Jace was hilarious and Max made friends with everyone there.  Next we took the kids to a family event where they could sit in firetrucks and other huge trucks.  They loved it and we loved watching them.  To top it off- I got to have a nap- which was my 1 request for "real" Mother's Day!  By the end of fake Mother's Day- I felt so fulfilled- quality (non-drama) time with my kiddos plus sleep- does it really get any better than that?

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Day 43: May 14th: "Real Mother's Day" 

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Jace woke me up with his present- a card he made me in preschool.  He must have said "Happy Mother's Day" (in that exact phrase) to me 50 times this week.  But today- it was the real day! He even sang me "Happy Mother's Day to You"- the sweetest little made up song ;)  

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Day 44: May 15th: "Me Time" 

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Today's record really has nothing to do with my kids- but it does have to do with me as a mother in this phase!  Part of my gift from Joel was alone time! I spent the morning in a coffee shop doing anything I wanted!  I caught up on some reading and writing and didn't feel rushed.  Then I met a friend (who is also busy in the trenches with littles) whom I hardly see and had a wonderful lunch on the patio.  By the time I got home I was refreshed and so glad to be back with my family.  But oh those glorious few precious hours to myself;) 

 

Day 45: May 16th: 

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I knew the day would come when Jace would notice it on his bookshelf.  It was only a matter of time! I'm not sure what made him pick it but tonight at bedtime he came running to me with it.  Mama- let's read this one! 

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And so I read it.  

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"Ill Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch.  I did well until near the end when the son came to his elderly mom and scooped her up in his arms.  AHHHHH!  Emotions everywhere! I finished the story wiping away tears!  Jace helped the situation by arguing with me at the end if the baby was a "girl baby" or "boy baby".  It may have ruined the moment but it helped me pull it together ;) 

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Day 46: May 17th: 

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During after dinner devotions tonight, we talked to Jace about being on "God's Team".  "Yeah I'm on God's team" he exclaimed, "oh wait- I'm on Jesus' team!" (We quickly explained with zero theological diggression about the trinity that it's the same team.) 

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"Do you know what God and Jesus like to play?" he asks us.  No buddy we don't.  "Tennis!!" Yep, in Jace's world, sounds about right that God and Jesus are playing tennis together.  

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Day 47: May 18th: 

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First field trip today! Jace's class went to a local dairy farm and families were invited.  It was a great time and I loved experiencing it together.  Jace's observation from the day: "Cows are stinky!"

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Day 48: May 19th: Two Is Better Than One 

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I love watching Jace and Max developing their friendship.  They are beginning to have a relationship apart from us. I'm learning to stay out of it and let them navigate things on their own.  There are still lots of scraps and squabbles, but I know they are a gift to one another.  "Brothers for life" I tell them when Max blows kisses good night to Jace.  "You love one another" I explain when Jace is patting Max's head and saying "You're a cute baby Maxy-Moo".  

 

Day 49: May 20th: This Season 

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Our family dynamics have changed recently- we have a toddler and a preschooler now- not a baby and an older toddler.  And we're enjoying the freedom this stage has to offer.  Today we took the kids to the first Farmers Market of the season and introduced Max to mini donuts.  This afternoon we took them on our first family bike ride.  The kids rode in a trailer towed behind Joel.  This winter, the dynamics will change yet again as we add another baby into the mix.  I'm more than excited to become a family of 5 but I know this summer will stand out in our memories as a special time for our little family of 4 (At the very least- because we are not yet outnumbered). 

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Day 50: May 21st: Missing My Buddy 

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Pregnancy hormones or normal emotions? Either way, today was the first day of "kids worship" at church and I missed Jace so much!  I'm used to him being with us for the first half of the service and then heading to kids church for the rest.  So it's not a huge change in time, but it sure hit me anyways.  Obviously it was more than the fact that I wasn't seeing him for 45 minutes in the service.  I think it was more realizing that he is growing up- and that means he is more and more separate from me. I love the progression of independence, but there are these little "milestones" that catch me off guard.  I wonder if he feels it too? 

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Day 51: May 22nd: Whining About Whining.

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Both kids had a WHINY day today!! So, so whiny! These days come once in a while.  And you know what DOESN'T help these days?  Whining about the whining.  But I find thats what I tend to do.  They're whiny so I need to vent to someone about them being whiny.  Sorry Joel! 

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Day 52: May 23rd: Today was ULTRASOUND day (my official dating ultrasound vs the others which were to check up on baby).  This one had a "fun" feel (except for the fact that they accidentally cancelled my appointment and I almost peed my pants keeping my "full bladder required" while I waited).  Baby was jumping around like a little bean.  I loved every minute of it! 

 

Day 53: May 24th: Balance. 

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There has got to be a balance between stopping everything to pick up Max when he wants- or actually getting something done.  Sometimes if I didn't say "no" we'd never get dinner made or get out the door to school or an event.... but some things aren't as pressing and I need to remember to stop, get down on his level and see if he needs something.  Today, since morning, he was whining to be picked up- but what I didn't realize is that he probably more so wanted me to stop rushing around and FOCUS on him... picking him up so he can see what I'm seeing, or take more time to get on the floor and see things from his level.  There's a balance in it all. 

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Day 54: May 25th:

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Nana's here and I'm really enjoying listening in as Jace chat's away to some one else.  What he wants to talk about or the observations he makes are adorable. It's also nice not to be the one doing all the talking.  A surprising part of motherhood for me has been the number of words you need to use in a day!

 

Day 55: May 26th:  

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One thing I love about having young kids is they are too young to know any better.  I packed them lunch from home today and then took them to the food trucks.  They were thrilled with PB & J while I got to enjoy my delicious take out food :) 

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Day 56: May 27th: ​

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We're in the middle of hosting a conference this weekend, so I haven't seen the boys much.  I decided to come home in between sessions today to see them instead of meeting with people.  Is it awful and wrong to admit when you regret spending time with your kids? I came home to whiny whiners and yes in all honestly- I did regret coming home! 

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Day 57: May 28th: 

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Today at church we announced we are pregnant with baby number 3!! Good thing because I was starting to show ;) 

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Day 58: May 29th: 

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Another milestone for Jace today: The LAST day of preschool! Jace's class put on a little concert and he surprised us all by singing more than most of his classmates! Yes he is always amazing us ;) 

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Day 59: May 30th: 

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 My little "Max Amazing".  Tonight at bedtime you curled up on my lap and looked up into my eyes in the exact position you were in the first time I ever held you.  You feel gigantic at 22 months compared to that little ball of squishy baby who was first placed in my chest.  But you have the exact same sweetness, gentleness, peace about you.  

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Day 60: May 31st: 

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Sometimes I feel I'm balancing two different "callings".  The call to raise my kids and the call to lead and minister.  I know they go together, but learning to balance both has been an ongoing journey for me.  When I'm focussing on one- the other is pulling on my mind, and vice versa.  Maybe this is how it will always be.  One will influence the other.  

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Day 61: June 1st: 

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The heat is hear and we were able to do a spur of the moment water park trip today! Jace assumed his role as big brother was to lead Max around the park (although Max is the braver one when it comes to getting wet!) and I realized I may actually get a moment to relax this summer if they can continue to play well! 

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Day 62: June 2nd: 

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Today at the Children's Festival I got a good amount of one-on-one time with Jace. I don't know if he feels the need for it- but I CRAVE it!  I love being able to focus all my attention on just him.  I watched him get his first face paint (spider man), enjoy the bouncy castles, and beat kids twice his age at soccer.  Love my boy.  

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Day 63: June 3rd: 

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Taking your child to an activity you enjoyed as a child is so rewarding.  We look Jace to his second play today: Peter Pan.  (Side note the croc was his favourite and he wasn't a fan of the songs).  We held hands and cuddled during the second Act.  That was my favourite. 

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Day 64: June 4th: 

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I often notice the difference between Max and Jace's personalities the most in leaving Opa and Oma's.  Although it's one of Max's favourite places, he complies with minimal fuss.  But for Jace, its as if his world is ending.  Leaving is the WORST! We call it bandaid time- there's nothing we can do but just rip off the bandaid and hope for the best!

  

Day 65: June 5th: 

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Today I did some decluttering and organizing in the boys rooms. Jace was so thrilled. He thanked me, talked about it through the day- and kept going up to "look at his closet". I even found him in their staring at it in silence. He tells me later "I really like my closet Mama".  Makes all the work so much easier seeing how excited he was about it! 

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Day 66: June 6th: 

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Some days the meltdown train comes barreling through our house and I can't put my finger on "why".  Jace had a rough day today.  After he falls asleep on tough days, days where we didn't seem to "connect" or be on the same page, I sometimes go into his room just to watch him sleeping peacefully.  I'd scoop him up if I knew he'd stay asleep, but instead I wipe his sweaty hair off his forehead and speak words of peace and grace over him.  

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Day 67: June 7th: 

 

"Motherhood is an ART, not a SCIENCE" ~Coffee + Crumbs 

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Day 68: June 8th: 

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Something special I noticed about each child today: 

Jace: Today is Oma's birthday and Jace was excited for her party all day.  I love how much he loves to celebrate others! 

Max: Calling both great Opa's "Two Opa's" and basically just doing his own thing at the party with all his cuteness! 

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Day 69: June 9th: 

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Best Jace Quotes of the Day: 

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Joel: "Jace let's go to Costco."   Jace: "is that where God and Jesus live?"

 

Joel: "Jace do you need help carrying that?" 

Jace: "No papa you can't your tummys too big 😂"

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Day 70: June 10th: 

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The brother bond is growing. Tonight Jace asked if he could "put Max to bed".  I let them do their thing, secretly watching from the door as Jace helped Max up into his rocking chair and read him a story.  Some days that are best buddies. 

 

Day 71: June 11th: 

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The mind of a child.  I love getting a glimpse into their thoughts! 

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I came into Jace's room at bedtime to find him wearing a bear hat with long ear flaps down to his shoulders. Why? It's my sleep hat mama! Also- a baby blanket for his toy sharks. Why? So they don't make noise when I sleep 😂

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Day 72: June 12th: 

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I am learning to slow down as often as I can and go at the boy's pace.  Today we went on a walk.  No agenda.  No hurrying to get from here to there.  We just let them lead the way and go at their own speed.  So simple- but yet so fun.  Sometimes throwing rocks into puddles is the best thing to do that day! 

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Day 73: June 13th: 

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Although I'm "learning" to go slow, it's still a struggle/ journey/ growth area.  Today I had to remind myself over and over to "focus", stop the spinning thoughts in my mind and focus on what's happening right in front of me.  

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